1-2-3 First Steps for the Single Homeschool Parent

If you're thinking of homeschooling, or already do, and you're single or soon will be, YOU'RE CRAZY!! Good news is, SO AM I! Since I've been semi-successfully schooling my kids while working and single-handedly running a household for the past 2 years, I thought I'd share my tips- and warnings- for like-minded parents.

1) It CAN Be Done- But It Won't Be Fun!

I'm living proof that homeschooling by yourself is possible... if you are willing to make the sacrifice and are flexible enough to make it work for you. I will not lie to you and say that it is fun or easy. I will say that it is worth it. There is nothing that compares to the feeling of having your child read because you taught her. Or when they finally "get" something because of the effort you made to explain it. But whether or not home-schooling is right for you and your unique situation depends on several things.


Income/Expenses: If your ex is giving you support, and you can make enough to live on working part time or from the home, it might work. If you are working a 40+ hour work week, maybe not so much. In my case I haven't been receiving support, but I've been working 32 hours a week doing childcare. It has been enough for us to live on, but not without government help. I am looking into education/training to better myself, and possibly into working at home. I just lost (or will be soon) my job, so I don't know what's happening from here on out. But homeschooling my children is my number one priority and my job search revolves around that.


EX-Cooperation: I know- this seems like an oxymoron, and very likely is. But if your ex is going to be extremely difficult about things, and is opposed to your choice to home-school, you may be in for a tough time convincing him (and the court system) that it's in the best interests for your kids. If He/She is very involved with the kids and shares custody with you, it may make it even harder. If you have sole custody - especially if he/she has been shown to be unfit- it might be easier. But, even if you do have sole-custody, be warned: he/she may use homeschooling as a ploy to try to get custody from you. I'd consult a lawyer before doing anything if I had any concerns about this. In my case, my husband and I chose homeschooling for our children BEFORE we separated, and he continues to agree with me that it is the best choice for our children. He does not pay child support, however, so finances have always been a difficulty for me. Time with the kids is also crucial. If you are schooling the kids, you are going to need them more time than their other parent. Period. My husband has had a lot of trouble understanding why I want the kids so much more than he gets them. Hopefully you can have a work schedule that is different than the other parent. If not, then you're looking at both doing 9-5 M-F which doesn't leave much time for school anyway, let alone when you're splitting all that time with the kids between two parents.


Limited Desire for a Social Life: It's not that I don't like spending time with other adults, I just don't have much time to. By the time I come home from working a 9-5 job, pick up my kids and get dinner on the table, and tackle even just one subject of school, my day is gone. If it weren't for my two full days off when I have my kids, there would be no way to possibly do it. If I do go anywhere, it's during a time when their dad has them. I can't waste my valuable time with them ... without them. This also means cutting back on the kids' social lives, if they are over-committed to sports and other extracurricular activities. I'd say cut them back to ONE thing at a time. Of course, if you ask them if they'd rather be doing soccer or math, they're gonna say soccer. But YOU have to be the one who puts your foot down and says enough and makes them get their priorities straight.


2) Single Does Not Mean Alone
You need, need, NEED a support system. Whether it's family, friends, a homeschool or religious group... you NEED help. I have a very close-knit family who lives 10 minutes away from me. My sister provides childcare for my kids when I'm working. She also helps with the kids schooling during that time. Even a day or two of one subject getting done while I'm away is a HUGE help to me! I also send schoolbooks home with their dad when he picks them up. He feels important and included and hey- they're getting a couple more pages done that way, too. If you have a childcare provider or a friend/family member who is willing to help with the schooling, take advantage of it. Join a homeschool group and ask about other single parents and how they are making it work. Maybe you can start a co-op with them: each of you trade off childcare and schooling while the other is working. This can benefit you both. Ask your pastor or religious leader if anyone in the church would be available to help you out. There are often elderly ladies who have extra time on their hands and would love to invest it in children. Get online and check out blogs and websites of single hs parents and get tips from them (Oh, wait- you're already doing that! Good Job!).

3) Simplify for a Better (EASIER) Life

I keep a country sign in my living room, which is also our schoolroom, that simply says , "Simplify". It serves as a reminder to me to pare down my life, my time commitments, my belongings/clutter. All that in just one simple word.

Simplifying your life can help in a lot of ways:

*Less Clutter = Less Stuff to Clean Up
If you're like me and your house is ALWAYS messy, you can do what I'm doing one day at a time and get rid of the unnecessary stuff in your home. The less you have in your home, the less you have to pick up. This especially goes for children's toys/belongings. My kids are warned on a regular basis to keep their things picked up. If they can't keep their room clean, they have too much stuff and some of it needs to go bye-bye. If their stuff gets left in the main living areas of the house, they lose it (either permanently or temporarily). I hate having to be mean about it, but the kids are just as much a part of this household as I am, and they need to hold up their end of the bargain. Chore charts and allowances are great ways to keep them on-track.

*Getting Rid of the Clutter Can Equal Extra Income... or Help Others in Need
We recently had a yard sale to get rid of the stuff we didn't need. I made some money from it, then split the leftovers from the sale into two piles. One to sell- (list on ebay, Craigslist, cheapcycle, etc.), and another to donate. I had a ton of nice baby clothes that I will unfortunately not be needing any time soon (if ever), but there are lots of needy people who could put those things to good use. We have a pregnancy care center nearby that is in need of clothing and other items. There are also innumerable thrift stores (Goodwill, Salvation Army, local individually operated), as well as non-profit organizations who need items to send to third world countries or disaster areas. This makes me feel better about saying good-bye to the stuff, it teaches my children a valuable lesson in generosity, and could even mean a tax write-off. AND I can put that extra storage space to good use for my home business.

Check out websites like www.flylady.net for more info on cleaning, organizing and simplifying your life.

*Simplify Your Schedule for a Better Life
We are pushed today to do so much. We're supposed to have perfect jobs, families & lives. Our kids are supposed to be perfect children with a variety of interests and talents and skills. They HAVE to do swimming, soccer, karate, gymnastics, softball.... the list goes on and on. ***NEWSFLASH*** They DON'T have to do it all! Your child can grow up to be a well-adjusted successful adult in spite of being deprived of all of these wonderful things. In fact, I'd even go to far to say BECAUSE of being deprived. I am the oldest of 9 children, all very different, all homeschooled. We took the occassional swim lesson, etc. here and there growing up, but none of us ever seriously pursued sports, and my mom certainly didn't have the time, energy, or money to enroll us all in everything. But you know what? We all discovered and developed our own talents in our own time. And most of us did so without being pushed at all. You see, because we were homeschooled we had a lot of extra time to pursue our own interests. We are all very good readers, most of us fall into the avid category. My oldest brothers are both self-taught computer whizzes. The youngest two, only 11 and 14, are making their own movies and comic books. I have a sister who's a writer, one who's an artist, one with an interest in medicine and another who has a broad range of talents and interests and is always learning something new and bettering herself. We are all okay. Honestly, I'm probably the least developed of us all.. and I spent the most time in the public school system.

I personally have issues with the pushing kids into sports trend because it's just not realistic. 99% of kids will not be good enough to ever make a go of it, and even those who do probably won't make enough money to live on. You can only do athletics for a short window of time.. we all get old eventually. My personal opinion is to let them pick one thing, and see how they do at it. Obviously if your child is a prodigy at something, they should pursue it (this goes for music and other skills as well), but chances are they aren't going to stick with whatever activity you choose for them at age 6. There's nothing wrong with swim lessons or whatever, but let's keep it real people! Your entire family should not have to make major sacrifices so that your kids can be involved in every single thing!

I'd suggest checking into Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts.. these programs offer a wide range of experiences for your child to grow and learn to give back to the community. Religious organizations often have similar programs.

I just need a job, a good laywer, a vacation and some CHOCOLATE! Is that too much to ask for?

I just found out a few weeks ago that my boss is quitting her job to stay home with her kids, and since I'm her babysitter, that kind of means I'm out of a job. I have pretty much no useful experience, since I've been home with my kids (or hers) the past 9 years. I didn't go to college- I didn't need to, I was going to be a Mommy. My husband was supposed to be the provider for our family. Problem is he didn't really provide anything, other than me with a never-ending migraine, and some inappropriate material which he downloaded onto our computer. So, I packed up the kids and moved to my Mom's until until I found the babysitting job and an apartment of my own. And all was well-ish, at least until now. But like I said, now I'm out of a job, with no feasible employment in sight.

Oh, and did I mention that my husband doesn't pay child support, or that he filed for divorce a couple weeks ago and he's saying that he has just as many costs as I do and that he can't afford to pay child support? Or that I home-school my kids, so getting a 40 hour a week job with benefits is out of the question?

So you see my dilemma? I need a job, but don't have a recent job history or really any marketable skills. All the jobs I'm finding in my rural area are for 12 hours a week or 40- nothing in-between. I'd LOVE to start my own business, but until I get it going, we do have to have some money to live on. The last thing I need right now is to lose my car because I couldn't make payments. I just spent all morning looking for jobs, only to confirm what I already knew... there aren't any.

So as you can see, I have a lot to talk about: single parenting, going through divorce/child custody, unemployment, working at home, home-schooling, enterepreneurship..... the list goes on and on.

But what am I going to do right now? I'm gonna go make myself a cup of coffee, grab a piece of chocolate, take a couple ibuprofen and call it a day.